Wednesday, February 22, 2012
#0043: Willy DuWitt
I browsed through the viewing statistics or INAKA today, and was interested to see that the Turtlecycle has garnered the most views of any entry by a large margin. It and the other garage-based toy eulogies have been among my favourites. With that in mind, I made the venture back into the garage, and it was by far the most depressing visit I've had yet. So many spiderwebs, torn old school books and piles of dust and grime. Peppy gamely followed me in there, and ended up with little more than a dirty face and a sneezing fit.
At first, I contemplated going back into the tub of Thomas toys, but I'm lacking in creativity to think up descriptive terms for fifteen different trains. Because like I've said in the past, they're all an interchangeable group of pricks.
Instead, I chose to once again cock tease fan(s) of Bucky O'Hare. As the title and primary photo will indicate, it is not the titular heroic hare. I'd rather build up suspense, because any character revealed after Bucky himself would surely be anti-climactic.
And so, I brought a young blonde boy into my house, gave him a bath, and took photos of him. ...Don't worry guys, I got my Working With Children Check. I'm clean! Just not nearly as clean as Willy DuWitt.
In Bucky O'Hare lore (or as he shall be henceforth abbreviated to: Brohare), Willy DuWitt is a pre-teen engineer who teleported from San Francisco to Brohare's anthropoid-laden universe through use of an accelerator in his room. Seems legit.
He is clearly the lamest character in the show: a lousy human who looks like a nerd, and according to his toy, goes about dressed up in what can only be described as the very flesh of Bruiser. And unlike Frix, he cant even claim that his voice actor was once the voice of Krillin. Indeed, so maligned is young Willy, Peppy deemed it appropriate to gnaw on his foot.
Though initially equipped with glasses, a laser, and a monkey helmet, our copy of DuWitt no longer possesses any of these things. Just what looks like a turtleneck sweater under his armour. It makes the sad even sadder. He's nicely sculpted, but has a few odd inconsistencies in his colour scheme. For one thing, his hands aren't the same colour as his face. Though a logical explanation would be that they're constructed of different materials, I prefer to conclude that Willy has vitiligo.
Another of the many problems I have with this toy is that stupid grin planted upon his face. It just makes him so entirely inappropriate for combat. I know, his helmet would mask that fact, but why must he be smiling? He's smack dab in the middle of a warring universe of angry hares and ducks, with no way of getting home to San Francisco. He never got to see the best of Barry Bonds, dammit!
Maybe it's in an effort to fake out the opponent. I would certainly be wary of throwing down with my opponent if he was a happy child. His offensive equipment being practically nil, it remains for him to fascinate them with the power of his eye...
I lifted that line from a political comic illustrated in 1920. I pull odd ones out like that, sometimes.
You know, I'm really torn about what I should do with this DuWitt fella. He's dirty, he's ugly, and he's the partial victim of attempted vore. Will any charity even accept him? Will they take one look at him, frown, and shake their head? The fabricated man working at the theoretical charity is holding the pretend DuWitt before my very imagination. Willy DuWitt? Or won't he?
...I'm assuming that pun was intentionally written into the name. It's his only redeeming quality. Another quality (redeeming or otherwise) is that, in my opinion, Willy looks a lot like Jake Lloyd. Remember him? Galavanting about our theatres in the late 90s before people finally realised the kid was no good?
Yeah, that's totally a DuWitt doppelgänger there. And if that's any indication, DuWitt will not be meeting a good fate. Having effectively 'retired' in 2001, Jake Lloyd's career is more stagnant than a bog. To hold a parallel of any kind is to effectively condemn DuWitt to the scrap heap. From whence he will construct a pod racer, become a Jedi, and then betray his master, becoming the mighty Imperial overlord.
All the while, wearing a monkey helmet. Because that would have been funnier had it happened in the movies. Your move, George Lucas.