#0119: McDonald's Christmas Taz

Ho ho ho, peons! It's the Crimbo season here at Toy Eulogy, and we're sharing the merriment by bringing you something big, jolly, and red. Don't let the NSFW description fool you, it's merely a plush toy from the 1992 Happy Meal holiday lineup; our friend and yours, the McDonald's Christmas Taz.

...Autocorrect really wanted to change that to McDonald's Christmas Tax — what a fucking Scrooge, am I right?!

This handsome fella came as a set of four alongside Tweety dressed as an elf, Bugs in a snug winter hat, and Sylvester donning a set of pyjamas and sleeping through the whole season (as cats will often do). You might recall that the Tasmanian Devil was hot property in the 90s, so he received top billing, cast in the role of Santa Claus himself.

We were greasy connoisseurs of McDonald's in our youth, and yet this was one of the few times I can confirm we nabbed the complete set. Perhaps we were just into that plush toys. Or Looney Tunes. Or the commercial, which resonates with me to this day. To this day. To. This. Day.

Upon viewing, you'll surely agree that it's a perfectly lovely little ad, offering a selection of fluffy friends at a reasonable price. Upon viewing, you'll perhaps also agree that there's something a bit... wrong... with my personal Santa Taz.

Can't quite put your finger on it? Then please never enter the field of investigative journalism (or food prep, because that lacking attention to detail shouldn't be consumed by unsuspecting innocents). My Taz plush is less hirsute, by virtue of his beard being entirely absent.

No, it's not a factory defect, but a valuable insight into the twisted mind of a bizarre child. At some point, I decided that I wanted a regular Tasmanian Devil plush, and I couldn't wait to procure one at a store. No, I fucking needed a conventional Taz and I needed it now, so I took to the poor blighter with a pair of scissors, removing his beard and hat. Needless to say, neither of those were ever intended to be removed, and now he just looks barren.

I elected to place him in the fridge, either as a reference to his character trait for veracity, or to emphasise that now he looks like a meth-head hellbent on drinking all of your Zymil.

Alas, he's really rather foolish now, and there's little I can do to remedy this folly. He's got a pair of white threads where his facial hair was once attached, and more damning still — he's wearing his fucking Santa boots, Anthony. This is not something a normal Taz would typically have, unless he's cosplaying. Or shovelling snow, I guess.

About the only solace I can take from the matter is the notion that my sister and I almost certainly received one of these toys each. As such, somewhere in our vast collection may lie an unsullied Taz, complete in his merry regalia, that I can look upon with envy and/or claim was mine in the first place.

Until such time, the inferior facsimile you see before you will have to do. I'm sure he's at least mildly enthused by the notion of Christmas. Maybe he likes the sales or something, and enjoys having a few extra days off from work.

With all that being said, I reckon Taz is probably Hindu. I have nothing to base this on other than vague inferences and a surprisingly ribald headcanon.