Tuesday, March 1, 2011

#0010: Oogie Boogie

We’ve hit something of a hallmark today. An important moment, and one that will go down in history for its significance in the world of toy eulogies.

We have reached ten toys.

That’s ten toys that I won’t play with anymore. Ten prizes that have ended up in someone else’s possession. Ten little pieces of my life that I have passed onto the next generation. It’s like donating sperm, you know. My little babies are out there somewhere, and I’ll never see them again. Just, most of them aren’t as sticky as that.

So a special day calls for a special figure. And although I don’t know if you (or even I) would consider this one to be ‘special’, per se, while I was sifting through the tub for the next selection, he just felt right. You know how sometimes in life, you pick a winner? Today, my winner was in the form of a fat ghostly sack filled with bugs.

Let’s roll the dice with Oogie Boogie.

Haha at first I typed that as ‘Oogie Boobie’. Sounds like a kinky game for the bedroom.

I was a fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas back in the day, so much to the point it’s hard for me to say ‘Night Before Christmas’ without slipping up and chucking a ‘mare’ in there. Its animation style is still beautiful, its denizens are still surreal and creative, and I’ve been known to strut down the street as quickly as my spindly legs will take me while fondling everything I see and asking ‘What’s this?’

Unfortunately, I choose to do this naked, so it’s not considered acceptable in today’s uptight society. Not until that proposition passes, at least.

Oogie Boogie (Boobie) was the antagonist who tried to kill a singing skeleton and Santa Claus. Yes indeed. It’s like Casablanca all over again. He also had one of the most boss songs from the movie, a swingin’ jazzy tune where he declared his love for gambling and killing Santa Claus. If you haven’t heard it yet, check it out on Youtube. It’ll give you newfound appreciation for this toy, and possibly also a distinct fear of sacks.

This Oogie Boogie toy knows where it’s at. He’s not posable, he’s not opposable, it’s just not possible. All the same, he grins a fearsome grin, dice in hand, curiously showing snake eyes, which he hated. I know, it’s referencing the game of chance and everything, but I would have thought he’d be so superstitious that he would never roll from the starting position of two ones.

I don’t think anyone else in the world has ever analyzed this toy. Maybe they should. I feel as though something good is coming from it.

I seem to recall him glowing in the dark, just as he did in the movie. I love glowing toys. Especially when they’re considered canon to the character’s ability set. I don’t know what advantage glowing would have given Oogie Boogie, other than being able to blend in with his neon surroundings, but he sure had it.

That’s the demonstration of his glowing ability, which you will have surmised is not much. In actuality, it seems as though the only part of him that still glowed after twenty minutes of light exposure was the inside of his mouth, but my elitist camera clearly felt slighted by this lacking glow and chose not to capture it.

I swear to god, he fucking glows. And that showed some dedication right there, taking the boogieman into a darkened closet. I mean, Christ, that’s the boogieman’s domain right there: I was just asking for trouble. So when he broke my nose and chewed off my fingers, I wasn’t exactly surprised. It just made this review a little harder to type, because I usually type with my nose.

For some unknown reason, he’s got a sort of discolouring phenomenon occurring across his body. You will have noticed the prominent orange and blue smudges upon his stomach, but his back is even more wild.

I don’t know how to explain this, but it’s almost like a child just assaulted Mr. Boogie with a crayon. And though it certainly wasn’t me, whoever that evil, artistic little toddler was has surely devalued Oogie to all get out. I could have made millions off my Oogie. Instead, he’s a worthless Oogie. Prick won’t even glow when I tell him to.

Trying to track down this figure’s origin is a fruitless endeavour. There’s lots of Oogie toys out there, each with their own bugs and their own (theoretical) glow, and they’re all much more robust and detailed than my little guy. This could potentially make him rare (or HTF in the lingo of cheap toy hawking), but I may never know.

Perhaps there is a truer story behind all this, and that his decline into obscurity is derived from his lacking ability to glow? What if this was indeed the reason he was evicted from Halloweentown to begin with? I always just thought it was because he was an asshole, but if I was kicked out of town simply because I was shitty at glowing, I’d be an asshole too. Such a misunderstood burlap sack is he.

Give him your love. Give him your arms. Give him your fingers. He’ll take it all.

Worthy of note, I think that this gaffer actually came from a similar line of toys as Scar from our last entry. Does that mean that Oogie Boogie is also a devout Chinese enthusiast? Let us investigate!

‘Applause 2 China’?? The plot thickens…

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