Wednesday, June 15, 2011

#0015: Roaring Lizard

Sometimes I remember the origins of these toys fairly well, and you’d think that that would lead to some sort of teary-eyed nostalgia that renders us inseparable.

Apparently, you would be wrong. Today’s cuddly little critter was once the denizen of a department store of some sort, dwelling amongst a pile of discount plush toys.

Looking at him, he’s pretty unassuming. Based on appearance alone, I doubt I would have forked over my hard earned cash (that my parents had given me). But it’s what he’s sitting on that made him mine.

That ass there, it’s full of sounds.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the roaring lizard.

From that photo, I’ve surmised that he’s a Packers fan. This seems logical, as they are also green and yellow and enjoy cheese. But I digress, in ways once thought impossible.

So as I alluded to, the roaring lizard features a dandy little speaker on his derriere that makes a roaring sound once you press your fingers on two bits of metal. How this works, I never understood. It almost feels like you’re connecting an electrical current of some sort, with the only consequence being that you now have a noisy reptile on your hands, who makes all sorts of commotion when you touch him on the bottom. That sentence was probably longer than it needed to be.

Curiously enough, I was about to mention that the speaker means that he is inappropriate for bathtime use, but it dawned on me afterwards, that no plushes ought to be taken into the bath to begin with. It’s odd what things you think about when you’re spending your nights writing about toys. Also, in case you were wondering, yes I am still unemployed. It’s fantastic, but not quite as fantastic as our roaring lizard.


What else is there to write about this dapper young gentleman? I used to call him Godzilla, which seemed appropriate for his roaring abilities, but I also once named my Tyranitar Godzilla, too. Too many Godzillas, methinks. Identity crises amongst inanimate lizard facsimiles are not acceptable fare in my world.

Hence, he’s now just roaring lizard. Because that’s what he does, so that’s who he is. He’s got a delightfully fluffy red tongue jutting from his mouth, and soulless black eyes for you to stare into until the day’s end.

Really, I don’t feel terribly sad to be parting ways with roaring lizard. A man of his talents deserves much better, though I suppose it must be mentioned that his battery is flat, so he is currently incapable of roaring. Whether this will jeopardize his future prospects is uncertain, but one does tend to worry.

Hopefully someone will take him for what he is. A pudgy green thing that holds promise of roar someday. Beyond that, he feels good in your hand, and that’s what really matters, I think.

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