Tuesday, February 21, 2012

#0042: Wild Republic Python Plush

Occasionally, I look through the progress I’ve made in this blog with a hint of dismay. Though surely I have unearthed some treasures; classics that deserved revisiting, as a whole, I can’t really say that I’ve entirely succeeded with the objective: clearing my life of clutter. You might ask, how can I really expect ridding myself of a tiny Snoopy toy to free up a lot of room, but in all fairness, you don’t know the set-up I’ve got. For all you know, I could have had an entire pedestal dedicated to that Snoopy, complete with flashing lights and soft-serve dispenser.

So every now and then, I crack my knuckles, flex my muscle, and throw around my proverbial weight. This is especially important now when you consider that I’ve been on an eBay binge, and for every McDonald’s toy that’s going out, I’ve got large Titans figures and Ghostbusters soundtracks coming in. In my mind, this is a good thing. With all that being said, I have had it with this motherfucking Wild Republic python plush in my motherfucking closet!!

…These harsh words are only intended to mirror a quote. In actuality, I was quite happy with the Wild Republic python plush in my motherfucking closet. It’s awful pretty.

I haven’t really got a great deal of history surrounding this piece here, because its origins are as spotty as its exterior: all that I have gathered of its details have come from a quick squiz through the world of Google. I state it to be a Wild Republic python, but that’s just because that’s the result that it most resembles. …I’m finding this paragraph hard to continue because Cops is on in the background, and all I can think about right now is crack and probation. These are not relevant things for a snake.

Other than its exaggerated size, I don’t know what else to talk about. It’s just a very nicely made plush toy, and in all honesty, it’s probably the best thing I’ve covered in this blog. Which should surely be a noteworthy topic of discussion, but personally, I prefer to observe the oddities of the items in my possession. For something to basically be excellent leaves me lacking for words. Other than crack and probation.

Is my plush snake on crack and probation? I don’t think so. He’s such a sleek character, if he’s on anything right now, it’d be the good stuff. Plus, he’d be able to buy off the cops, so he wouldn’t even know the definition of the word ‘probation’. He rolls in the finest of circles, rubbing elbows with the greats.

And that’s all I’ll really say. Because this was not going to get better after it got worse. Just worse, I swear to god. So long, classy cocaine snake.

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