Tuesday, February 28, 2012

#0046: Mozzarella

Time for another plush! I opened up my closet today, and was hit with a barrage of stuffed animals, all out for blood. Down they tumbled in their dozens, from Yoshi to Jirachi to Zeddy from Zellers. To be honest, it was quite annoying, and as a result, don’t be surprised if I suddenly go on a mass plush exodus in the desperate hope of freeing some closet space. They all sit perched atop a shelf that could really be used for something relevant. No, I haven’t decided what that is yet. I haven’t ruled out the possibility that it’ll be newer, bigger, even tumblier toys.

Tonight, we revisit the theme of Avon plush toys. Her name is Mozzarella, but she is more commonly known as Avon Plush Purple Bean Bag Mouse Stuffed Lovey Toy. For the purposes of this article, I will refer to her only as the former, because that second one is my nickname, too, and it could get all too confusing.

So this is a plush toy from the folks at Avon from way back in 1998. She is purple, her whiskers are really, really long and possibly dangerous, and she reminds me quite distinctly of our old friend Legume, who in retrospect I wish I had named Douglas, in honour of Douglas Hodge.

I am really incredibly struggling to construct any sort of coherent thoughts on this here plush, and I feel kind of disappointed by my own inability to prattle. I’d like to go on an entirely irrelevant tangent about my day, but I don’t know how interested my readers would be in the Cody Hodgson trade or the Jewish woman I served today.

Will this entry gain the dubious honour of being the shortest, most pointless in the venerable history of INAKA? Is this a sign that I’m losing my touch? Have I simply over-expounded my resources in a very busy blogging February? Or could this plush be the most indecipherable, non-descript creation known to man? It’s like some sort of puzzle, I think, and I’m far too fearful to try and solve it. Pandora opened the box from Zeus, unleashing all of the evils unto this Earth. Elliot Spencer opened the Lament Configuration, and was doomed to roam the planes of hell, surfacing only to collect the souls of the wicked. I opened a Rihanna album, and listened to some really shitty music.

I shall not give into temptation! I shall rid myself of this innocuous-looking, but possibly treacherous child’s plaything. It’s a sin! It’s a ruse! IT’S A TRAP.

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